Excuses, rationalizations and other reasons I have not blogged

I always have something to say about everything. So why is it so damn hard for me to keep up with my blog? It is not as if Rossi ate the mouse, I lost power for three weeks, or zombies sucked my brains out.

Well, maybe zombies did suck my brains out. Then again, as Jeff Goldblum said in said in The Big Chill, “I don't know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They're more important than sex.”

I can rationalize anything, except other people’s excuses. After all, America doesn’t run on Dunkin’, it runs on excuses. And the last two weeks have been overflowing with them.

For example, I recently flew to Minneapolis on a fact-finding mission. I am seriously considering relocating there. There’s a lot to like about the Twin Cities: friends, more friends, career opportunities, the arts, the food, and the people. I just needed to find out if I would fit in or feel like a bull in a china shop.

A few glaring differences between here and there really stood out. Actually, the differences between everything east of the Mississippi and north of the Mason-Dixon Line stood out. People in Minneapolis are nice; people elsewhere make excuses as to why they don’t have to be.

Being the excellent bargain shopper I am, I found a killer cheap flight to MSP from DTW online. Only downside, I had to fly east to Newark to go west to MSP. No harm, no foul. As my friend T reminded me, I have the time (a hidden benefit of unemployment) and certainly could use the extra airline miles.

I get to the airport in Detroit, land of the Christmas Underwear Bomber extra early just in case I have to be strip searched or something. The skycap at the curb suggests I cut through the Westin Hotel to the lesser traveled, faster moving TSA security clearance area. Excellent time, someone going beyond. A good omen, I thought.

I was wrong.

Get to the gate. And wait. And wait some more. Seems the flight has been delayed due to crew issues. Long story short, flight arrives 45 mins late. And air traffic control being the cluster %$^& it is, we board the plane only to sit on the runway another 45 mins because we lost our window to land at Newark. I scramble on my cell to book a new connecting flight to MSP, the 1.5 hr delay guarantees I won’t catch my original flight. I get a new airline CSR on her first week on the job. She takes 20 mins to find me a flight, but can’t get me a seat assignment. After another long hold, a supervisor steps in to do the job. Of course, the excuse becomes air traffic issues at Newark, not airline staffing issues that made us lose our window.

Have I mentioned I hate excuses, especially when they are lies?

Newark. New Jersey. Land of diners and “The Situation”. And incompetent airport staff. I get off my plane, are sent by bus to another terminal to catch my new connection and…wait, my new flight is in the same terminal I just landed in? I get to ride the bus again? And waste more time? And the person behind the airline customer service desk just oozes “whatever”? Note to self, the money saved was not worth the grief earned.

Minneapolis. Finally. Several hours late. Grouchy from living on mini bags of pretzels and gum. Land of a whole bunch of lakes and not too many excuses. A dear friend picks me up, plies me with alcohol and good food before dropping me off at my Minneapolis base camp.

The return trip was a billion times better. When I explained my inbound flight situation to the nice people at the airline customer service desk I got my baggage fee waved and two free meal vouchers. MSP -1. Newark - ZERO.

Now excuses aren’t just an airline thing. I fired my lawn guy for taking advantage of me this past fall. I always thought he mowed too often, shovel snow too often and was not trustworthy. But he is a neighborhood guy and neighbors help neighbor out. That is until they borrow your lawn equipment without asking, without leaving a note or calling your phone. His excuse for his behavior? I did not answer the back door when he knocked. Let’s see, my office is in the front of the house and I was on a conference call. Oh yeah, earning money to pay him.

So what’s my excuse? I was too busy rationalizing my behavior to blog. Yeah, that’s the ticket. And the check is in the mail and I’ll still respect you in the morning.